good girl on a bad boy

For Ron

2010-07-20T13:51:00.002+08:00

She was delectable
All gamine legs and perky butt
smooth touch-me-now skin
gleaming with health and
glowing with more
and the prettiest fingers you ever saw
And then I looked up
and saw her name was Boy
and there I fell.
Oh, how I fell.

20 July 2010

goodbye to someone i barely knew

2009-12-16T14:00:00.002+08:00

One of the patients at the DC has passed away.
Apparently, it was a stroke, after a game of mahjong, last Thursday. Or maybe last Wednesday? Sounds like cluedo, eh.

It's awful that we only think of people more carefully after they're gone, but nothing else makes us pause and ponder the way death does. I wonder what his last moments were like, and I hope he had been having a good time. When I worked with him last Wednesday, he went through the exercises fairly ok, although he complained of pains - then again, he always did.

Today, the patient next to his spot joked that he'd migrated to Canada. He finally agreed to do some exercise, though, and I couldn't decide if he'd finally woken up to the need, or if he was actually sort of doing it out of remembrance for the chap who'd passed on. Another regular exerciser insisted he was too tired though, and slept through the session.

The other group mostly seemed ok, though. Almost all agreed to exercise today, except naughty Teddy Bear. We did have fun with the writing of air-letters though, and D started saying words beginning with each letter, whereupon TJA started singing, and Teddy Bear started singing, although he alternated between nursery rhymes and lewd hokkien songs.

I hope they live long and (fairly) healthy. I'm glad I've met them, and I'm glad I work with them.

back to school

2009-03-22T21:57:00.002+08:00

I'm absolutely pooped. Weekends are never about rest, they're always about doing all the things you didn't have time to do during the week.

So, Saturday was about fixing the floor in my bedroom, going for tuition, and heading back to alma mater for a look before they eventually tear down the building.

I figure I ought to note my thoughts down somewhere, before I forget. So.

I went with Jo, and predictably, we spent most of the time in the gym. It felt soooooooo darn good to walk on the mats again, and even to step on the beam. After a while, we jumped on the trampoline, and I was pretty upset because all I could do was the swivel hips - that was about it. I felt a great deal of fear, mainly because I could feel my spine and associated muscles protesting. But the endorphin rush was superb. And as I lay on the tram after jumping around, I looked up at the ceiling, and the familiarity of the position was incredibly comforting. Jo could still do somersaults and back flips - I could only wish I hadn't gone and murdered my knee and back.

After a bit, we headed over to the secondary block and watched the sun set at the rooftop garden. I never did this here while in school - we did watch the sun set a bit from the gym, though, given we were sometimes there till past six. However, it reminded me of the times when I was a kid in Jalan Chengam, climbing onto the garden wall for a better view of the setting sun, saying goodbye to the day, and being amazed by the colours in the sky.

We popped by the chapel, which had totally changed. That was where I'd run to before my exams - starting with PSLE - praying hard for God to let me remember all I'd learnt, so that by some miracle and grace, I would pass. And God has always been so kind to me. I used to come here too, to ponder over the complexities of life (from the viewpoint of a semi-melancholic teen). I don't remember much else now, apart from an ardent wish that I'd never existed in the first place.

As I went through the school, I was mentally retrieving all the varied memories I had at various places - my Pri 1 classroom, where I remember being very pleased on the first day of school. My P2 classroom - where I cried in the balcony coz my mother had been caning me like some insane woman. My P3 classroom - don't recall much, apart from day 1 when the teacher told us she was gonna be real fierce. P4 - don't recall much either. (see, no gym in P3 and P4 - school was equivalent to a passing dream) P5 - Mr. Chng and his paper aeroplanes. P6 - tough year because friends were getting weirder and we had a pseudo family in school, and I think I began remembering gym more than anything else.

Sec 1-4 - I think I lived in the gym. Even when I was physically in the classroom.

I guess ten years in a place... I think I will be quite sad to see it gone. Canteen - high ceilings - 6.45am - coffee - unfinished homework. Hall - thousands of girls singing hymns at mass - made me cry inside. Field - mornings - girls fainting at the back. Pianos everywhere. Wind chimes everywhere. Mirrors in every other corner. The pope versus Botticelli. Cattails in the science garden. Running races on the track. Jumping off steps and spraining ankles.

and the hours and hours and hours spent in the gym.

Seacils

2008-07-04T12:07:00.003+08:00

This was something I read off http://www.themediaslut.com
It's what Charles Rowe had to say regarding the seacils project.
There are gaps in my knowledge of exactly what happened, but I find it's simply disappointing to read a response like that (in red).
Lots of thoughts here... will prob try and post when I have more time.

Charles Rowe said, on June 24th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
As the creator the Seacil, and spending a considerable amount of time on the restoration of the marine environment using the environmental approved material of concrete (material that meets the IMO OSPAR ‘99 guidelines), I am proud to announce that the Singapore Polytechnic project at Labrador Park successfully rescued over 800 pieces of coral, grafting them onto the Seacils creating an underwater garden. This was a major success story particularly the setting up of two Seacils on a muddy seabed and the grafting of coral onto these Seacils. All and all, approximately 30 tons of artificial reefs were created of the 44 Seacils that were positioned in the deeper waters off of Labrador Park. There were some Seacil debris left that could be witnessed only on exceptionally low tides. But considering the successfully creation of the subsea garden, documented by underwater photographs, and the rescue of coral that would have been destroyed by the construction operations by the cofferdam, the Singapore Polytechnic should have received praised and not be slandered by a selected and uninformed few that had other priorities than the wellfare of the environment

Saab City Duathlon 8 June 2008

2008-06-09T06:18:00.004+08:00

In photo: Jeremy with his Pugsley, me, Kai and Kelvin

The morning after the day before: my hip joints really hurt! My quads aren't feeling friendly, my hamstrings are grouchy and oddly, my hip flexors are loudest in protesting every movement.

I guess for lesser beings like me, a 'short' little duathlon is real physical trauma.

The whole thing wasn't too bad, actually. It felt good running the first 10k, which, for me, is something new. Thankfully, the morning was cool, and having people and buildings to look at was a nice change. I didn't strain too hard, and I felt ready for the ride.

Once on my bike, I literally felt JOY. The pleasure was real, rather intense, and unexpected. I was absolutely gleeful. I sped ahead, enjoying the speed - and then the first cramps hit me, in both calves. I prayed real hard for the pain to go away, and thank God, it did, within the next few km. Towards the end of the ride, my quads started cramping, but similarly, the pain dissipated after a bit.

The next 5km run was real pain though. Both quads were acting up in the beginning, and I could barely run. However, when I stopped and tried to walk, the cramps were worse, so I thought, heck it, and jogged on. And again, the cramps eventually, gradually, disappeared. Even the stitches in my tums went away. I couldn't go any faster though, so I just patiently plodded my way to the end. At the last stretch of about 1km, my legs felt like there was nothing much left in them, so I decided to do a walk-ten-steps thing every couple of hundred metres, which helped. Even managed to speed up for the last hundred m.

Personal breakthroughs from the training and the race:
I can run 10km in a training session - never would have thought I'd do this even two years ago. I used to train at 7km for a 10km event, and pat myself on the back. I really do not like running. Yuck.
I can run 15km in a day! Even if it wasn't done at one shot...
I can ride and jog through cramps - never knew this one.

Doing a duathlon without actually training for it is painful. Well, I could have guessed this. Lazy me.

And...
While completing the last 5k, I kept thinking, I'm amazed I can run, amazed I can ride. Amazed and grateful and thankful to God for giving me these gifts, and the ability to enjoy these things I do, and the freedom I have to do them. And amazed that my sore, still-recovering-from-sprain neck survived the whole thing. And of course, thankful I have a Kai to sign me up for these things, train with me, and enjoy the pleasure of doing them with me. Hugs for Kai!

Other things:
Jeremy's Pugsley, with its fat tyres, was a real jaw dropper. He even had photo requests after the race, heh.
Thanks to Frankie for the van! At 5.30am in the morning, and the poor man had diarrhoea.
Last point: the weather was beautiful - overcast, cloudy and cool. Excellent, perfect, awesome. =) happy, happy me.

The FAITH Run

2008-06-05T06:58:00.003+08:00

My prep for the City Duathlon has been awful.
Major sugar low put a stop to my first attempt to complete a once-through training, then a sprained neck put an end to my second attempt - at all training!
I can't believe it!
It's been a baaaaaad week. First, I catch a cold, then I lose my purse with all my credit cards, then I get a stooopid sprained neck. Not even from exercising - I got while trying to lie back down in bed. Was I being punished for desiring a few moments more of sleep? Hmmm.
Right now, the cold hasn't completely gone, and the neck still hurts. I haven't gotten back complete range of motion. So... ...
this Sunday's event is gonna be what I call my Faith Run. I guess I'll just do it. Slowly. Aiming for completion, even if I'm the last slow poke crawling in. Which is hard to be because I hate the feeling of holding everyone up - "where's that stupid last person ah? How come so long already still haven't come in yet? Wah, 30 minutes after the second last one leh! Quit already or not? Got DNF or not??" eeek.
So... as long as my neck stops hurting, I'll go. And pray very hard I have enough of whatever I need - desire, cheerful positivity blah blah - to bring me plodding through to the finish line.

Evaluations and thoughts

2008-05-30T14:46:00.002+08:00

Today is paperwork day, but I'm not complaining =)
I'm processing the evaluation forms for the programmes we've had the past two months, and some evals make me happy, some leave me wondering what's going to happen when I get older and the current bunch of young mites take over the world...

Some intelligent responses to Coastal Clean-up work by a certain boys' school (Sec):
It was fun but disappointing to find so much litter.
I find it educational because now we know what is happening to our beautiful beaches.
Very productive as it is for the sake of marine animals.
Interesting. It tells us how much rubbish are polluting the sea.

Disappointing responses:
I did not like to have to pick up litter I did not create.
The instructors should motivate us more.
The work was exhausting and dirty.

Encouraging bits from a primary school:
I understood more on the forest habitat than reading from textbooks!
After knowing how the forest is so important for animals, plants, I decided to conserve and protect it (more).
The best part of the programme was when we were walking through the rainforest. (I love this answer - it shows they can appreciate the forest just as it is. So many kids need the excitement of seeing animals running around as though on display... animals aren't there to perform a drama for us!! Aargh.)
I didn't know there were so many species of spiders.

We're just done with quite a number of field trips, and not all schools had students who were good to work with. One thing that is yet again clear - the students' attitudes largely reflect their teachers' attitudes. One teacher had a really great relationship with the kids, but chose the CIP time to sit down and chit chat with a bunch of them. Maybe the teacher had reasons for doing so, but it was kinda hard for me to get the rest of the kids moving thereafter. Siiiigh.

There were few teachers who were genuinely interested, who still had the capacity to be amused and amazed and to laugh. These teachers are so, so very precious - I really do wonder when MOE will learn how to take better care of them.

Oh well. I'm gonna see my dahlink kwaia kids later this evening - i miss them! I miss hearing them sing at the end of a long, long day! I think one day I should just pop by for practice and listen in, heal the little ruptures in my spirit a bit.

Maybank

2008-04-08T22:24:00.002+08:00

i have an iSavvy account with Maybank.
Maybank's tagline: making every moment count.
My only means of checking on my account is through the Internet.
We need our OTP to log in.
I tried a few times, and each time, my OTP did not reach my mobile.
Website says if all fails, call them.
In the meantime, my OTPs are probably floating around somewhere in cyberspace.
I had many moments of frustration indeed. I did sorta count them, since OTPs have a time limit.
With about 5 failed attempts, taking each moment to last one second, I think I had about 1500 moments of annoyance and disgust.

Monday morning 8am

2007-10-29T08:41:00.000+08:00

It's glorious when it's 8.41am on a work day and I'm not rushing to work.
I'm seated at Starbucks at Raffles City, sipping an americano, watching the world go by, contemplating life.
Ok, it's not all rosy. I'm taking a break between answering emails from customers and vendors. I've got a legitimate excuse for being here - I'm gonna pop by Apple later to pick up a customer HDD, and they open at about eleven - but I wish I didn't need an 'excuse' to be here. What's wireless tech for if not for people like me, whose main task is to communicate? I should be doing it anywhere. (Home, for one.) Except that I've got a load of other little tasks to do too back at the office in ulu north.
To be honest, the work is ok. The workPLACE is so not. It's largely a mobility issue. The walk in is icky. About twice a week, I smell some really bad stuff and I find myself retching. not a nice start to the day. I end up cabbing half the time. Once I get in to work, it's so inhospitable to car-less people I get frustrated. I find myself staring out the window, wishing I could run away. I need fresh air, I need the warmth of the real world, not an air-conditioned hole. (Air-conditioned Starbucks is different - I get to run out of here anytime.) I need to move about (ass getting larger), I need occasional quiet lunches by myself where I can read, think, or do absolutely nothing. Lunch by myself is hard - simply coz it's so darn hard to get out of here. It's crazy. The nearby canteen has bad, oily food. The nearest place for decent food means walking and taking a bus if I go myself. This occasionally drives me bonkers. I hate the feeling of reliance on others. I think I just need to assure myself that the time and trouble of ambling out to lunch by myself is worth the breath of quiet I may get. Hmm. Maybe I'm just too spoilt, eh. Better get started on those driving lessons.
Anyway, Starbucks. It feels darn good being here for another reason. It feels good to see others reading in the morning, be it newspapers, books, textbooks, or their laptop screens. It's the sense of people gaining knowledge, people thinking - it makes me feel real good (maybe it's the pseudo-academic in me, or the remnant teacher). When I get to spend the morning thinking and learning, the world feels full of possibilities. This is important to me. It makes me excited about everything.
By contrast, had I been rushing to work, I'd be squeezing myself off the train right now, past a couple of stressed-looking girls and grim-looking aunties, all of whom look like they had one thing in mind - get to work fast because... now I really can't imagine why they'd want to do that, unless it's hell and fury if they're late. In which case, they rush out of fear. And stress, fear - it's all infectious. Yuck.
I really should do this more often. It makes me feel more alive and happier. Even working from home does that. (And there's the bonus of finally having some time to do housework - it's four extra hours in a day!) Hey, a happy person works and thinks better, no?

new toy!!!!!

2007-10-18T01:03:00.000+08:00

thank you kai! =)

Pulau Dayang 29-30 Sep 07

2007-09-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

Few people know that I actually do not like diving.

I've been diving since late 2001, before I even bought my darling BadBoy. Some would know that both pocket-hurting, life-risking activities can be traced back to the good Loh Tse Lynn. =) thanks, actually, seriously. Many old friends would probably also know that I have a fear of water, that I took three years to learn to swim, and that I only dive to work, when there's a clear-cut objective.
I am actually thankful for this - it's wonderful to be able to see the beautiful sea creatures up close, watch them move, watch them interact. And all the bits of dive work has taught me so much, but mostly, to appreciate the small stuff.
Anyway, I was gonna say that as of this weekend, I've finally gone for my FIRST recreational dive. Ever. And I didn't quite know what to do with myself. See, there was no objective. And it's not like I've ever gone searching for things to see. I'm so used to working and treating the pretty things I come across as a gift, a bonus. It was weird to fin around looking aimlessly, and looking aimless, I might add.
It was also odd to be diving with a buddy when it's not for work. Since we couldn't talk, and hand signs were limited (sign lang buddies! Come dive! Not that i rem all that much, but....!), there was a lot of body language interpretation needed. Apparently, buddy Terence thought I was bored coz he'd get all excited and bubble a whole lot when he sees something cool, whereas i'd be just dead still and silent - I was excited too - just trained to stay still and observe rather than wave and 'shout', heh.
Some of what we saw: nudibranchs, esp phyllids; flatworms - Thysanozoon; stars - crown-of-thorns acanthaster, cushions, the blue linckias, and a few others i can't recog, variety of feather stars; holothurians - Bohadschia?, the blue Stichopus, a bunch of brown ones (H edulis?) and I think the Synaptulas. I thiiiink. Those were weird to watch. Lots of Ascidaians, but what's that silvery ball thing? Ascidians make me want to take pictures. Saw an anemone shrimp, pointed out by Dodo. Corals - what I liked was when we went through a whole garden of Goniopora - very picturesque! Fishes - I'm not fish person, but lots of parrots and wrasses and puffers - I saw a yellow one, which was brilliant. Saw a pair of reef sharks - couldn't tell black tip or white, and two or three blue spotted rays.
PS Thanks boss. For everything. And I do appreciate learning that I can pack for a trip, and include throwing in a shower, all in under 20 minutes. =)

Lose a battle to win the war?

2007-09-06T06:44:00.000+08:00

I look around me and I see that I am blessed. Around me are the people who love me for who I am, my family, my friends. I know I am blessed. Whenever I am down, and I pray, God sends me reasons for laughter, for joy and thanksgiving. Whenever I feel angry, He sends me people who listen and give good advice, He guides me. He opens my eyes to all the pleasures that He has given me, and raises me up, showing me the nothingness of all those petty troubles in comparison.
Sometimes, I forget that it is through trials and troubles that He teaches me, us.
When faced with provocation, what does it mean to let God work through me, to glorify Him? If this one situation can be considered as one battle, and if I were fighting to win a war to live meaningfully, I've begun wondering this morning if it means I should choose to lose the current battle in order to win the war. In the big scheme of things, this would be no loss at all to me, and yet, the provoker may be satisfied that he has seemingly won one battle. I, on the other hand, would know better. And so, why not?
Why not indeed - because all of my earthly being rises up against this, and feels every indignity and unfairness at acceding to this and allowing the provoker to get away with his actions.
And then I consider the provoker and wonder at his actions. Humans are not too difficult to read. More often than not, a person provokes out of fear. You could also throw in selfishness and greed, amongst other reasons. A person who provokes, to put it very simply, is fundamentally unhappy with life. A person worthy, perhaps, of sympathy?
Treat a provoker with kindness? I find that very hard. Smile at a provoker with all sincerity and genuineness? Tough, tough. But I guess I will try. May God grant me the right words to say, the depth of peace I will need, the assurance, and a heart full of joy to counteract the.... hmmm... venom? That's an exaggeration. But exaggerations make me laugh.

not-so-nice customers

2007-08-06T15:18:00.000+08:00

It takes very little to spoil a person's day, eh?
We had a drive from a customer that was a logical job, but a toughie. There were lots of errors in the drive, and it didn't help that he'd previously sent it to another company for recovery, in SL, no less. My poor labbies had to spend days re-doing the data copying because of all the errors. That was SO MUCH TIME spent in the lab, just trying to run his copy, making sure we watched over it as much as possible so that the drive wouldn't die and become a physical job. So in the meantime, I had to email this chap to keep him updated, explain why it was taking so long. His response - to please stop sending him all that drama about how unstable his drive was; he only wanted to know if we can recover anything; he was only concerned about the cost.
What happened to the gentlemen and ladies of the world? Or have businesses become so crappy that customers just all take it that business people lie? Or, in this case, dramatize? Well, I wasn't dramatizing. I'm guileless and naive. I don't know what the heck I'm doing in a business setting. I can't oversell.
Sometimes, I really miss my students. For the large part, they do believe my words.

I hate food poisoning

2007-07-31T07:50:00.002+08:00

It's been a painful weekend.

My tummy still hurts as I write, but it's more bearable now.

Sunday afternoon found me doubling over in pain, and by 3pm, the diarrhoea had begun. By ten pm, I had had diarrhoea 11x, and puked once. Mum made me some rice water - what the heck is that called? - but I took about 4hours to finish one bowl. Kept feeling sick, falling asleep.

Wanted to see Dr. Cheng, but her clinic was closed on Sunday evening. Went instead on Monday morning. Luckily, Kai was just off work and could come with me - I felt really weak. I hate that word - weak.

Went home, and Kai cooked lunch for me - the only thing I could imagine myself eating was carrots, so he boiled two huge carrots for me. Again, took me about 3hrs to finish lunch. The diarrhoea had stopped, but the body aches were bad, and the tummy kept cramping every now and then. I was comatose just about the whole day. Overall, the pain was so bad that I went back to the doc's in the evening to ask for another day off. Luckily I did.

This morning, I feel a lot better - at least, a lot more alert, and the clarity of thought has improved, but the tummy cramps are still there. The tummy area is still very tender, though, and I still feel dehydrated. The body aches are still bad, especially the backache - I can't bend over to pick up stuff!

I hate food poisoning! Aargh!

my first attempt at a MINI triathlon

2007-07-31T07:50:00.001+08:00

The pain was excruciating.
You know how, sometimes, when you run, you get a stitch or two in your abdominals? That would have been ok - I can live with a stitch or two.
Except that it wasn't a mere stitch or two. It was... I can't describe it - abs on fire? I mean the entire lot of abs and flabs I have. Every darn spot on my tummy burned the minute I began on the run. I had to contract all the muscle I could to keep going.

But let's start at the beginning.
Weather was good at the start, actually. Cool, windy, slightly grey skies. It was nice to meet Abby and Gillian there, as well as Abby's bf (I think his name was Ming Kang? I'm not sure if I got it right), and Gillian's sis, Serena (??) who looked a heck of a lot like her! They react the same way!
I was so caught up in trying to settle everything in the transition area that I missed Sonia's race altogether.
At about 9-ish, Abby and I headed to the water to do some warm-ups. We got to watch a the men's waves start. It was hilarious - so many guys missed their swim starts! We watched in amusement as a chap suddenly rushed past officials and dove like some madman into the water - it turned out he was late for his start and thought he'd just jump in and get going. The officials fished him out and told him to wait at the end of the swim section. Heh.
Abby and I managed to get places at the front of the swim group. Everything was messy once we got into the water. Very soon, I lined up behind two front crawlers. Abby made a wise choice by sticking to the outer line. I got stuck behind the front crawlers for quite a bit, especially during the turn. Soon, I had someone behind me who kept swimming into me - i.e. I kpet kicking her hands! Stupid girl! Whenever I felt the gals in front kick my hands, I just drop back a bit, but this gal behind me - I don't know - masochist? Refused to drop back or move aside. So I just had to keep kicking her hands. Duh. Someone kicked me in the stomach. Ouch, but survivable. Abby later told me that this girl suddenly swam across her path and clung on to the kayaks, shouting that someond had kicked her! Hmm. Could have been me. Then again, we were all kicking everyone.
Transition to bike leg was ok, but the biking itself was not too good. I wasn't yet used to the roadie, and somehow, I just couldn't get the bike up to desired speed. I largely hovered between 28kph and 32kph. I kept thinking I might have done better on my Salad. Darn.
It was transition to run that was the most awful thing ever. Firstly, I was so freaked out by the idea I forgot to take off my helmet! Luckily, I realised it before I ran up the ramp, and a volunteer was kind enough to take it from me =) sweet thing!
The pain hit me the moment the run began. I lined myself up behind this caucasian lady, who had a really cool way of running - somehow, she seemed to float gently over the ground, each step a fleeting movement. Was I hallucinating? Maybe. It was hard work keeping up with her, but I tried anyway. Sometimes I dropped back a little, but largely I managed to stay close. A while later, this Chinese-ish girl ran past, polo tee and all!! Ack! Couldn't even begin to try to catch her! She just flew! There was another girl trying to keep pace with the caucasian as well, but she was losing it, she had to slow down now and then, and run to catch up.
Nearing the finish line, I wondered if I ahd any energy left for a final sprint. I thought, what the heck, and just gave it a shot. saw Sonia, Serene and Kevin at the sides cheeringm but could only hear Alan yelling "Hobbitt!". Ok, let's go, let's try. Managed to run past the caucasian, but just barely. Abs on fire, abs on fire.... Can't recall where my mum and sisters were, somewhere near the finish line... first time they've seen me in a race, heh.
When I crossed the finish line, I really felt like crying, because everything hurt so much! So, so, so much! I staggered straight to the massage tent!

It sounds silly, but I'm really grateful to Kevin and Serene for their help in our training - for jogging together, swimming East Coast, and also for getting my new bike - thanks also to Frankie for collecting my bike! =) =) =)

NTUC Income Insurance - really insuring you?

2007-07-26T06:55:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I am just really naive, but I really did use to think that NTUC Income Insurance was there to take care of the needs of the man in the street, sort of. But these days, I am fast losing confidence in them. I honestly do not know how I can ever trust them to take care of anyone's insurance needs ever again.

Kai's case was mentioned in the Straits Times yesterday. When Kai told me that we had won the case two days ago, I was relieved, but cautiously so. Turns out my instincts were right - for the papers reported yesterday that NTUC lawyers are likely to appeal. AGAIN. For those of you who know about the case, this is the second round in courts already.

I simply cannot figure out what NTUC and their lawyers are thinking of. Friends tell me that it's a case of big corporation with time, money and lawyers to spare playing against the man in the street. They tell me it's just business. Business? I guess I really haven't got a good head for business then, because I need to see fairness and humanity in business. Money can't bring me to heaven.

But in the meantime, our lives are put on hold because of this case. Money, past, present and future, are all tied up in this case. We're not living in absolute misery, but we can't move on and make bigger plans with our lives. NTUC can afford to slowly play this out and 'chew you up piecemeal', as a friend put it, but they're semi-ruining out lives. It makes me wonder how they can sleep easy at night - to which my friends said that they can, because they're mostly merely following instructions. Big corporations - nobody truly owns a decision. Really? So who does finally decide what's right or wrong? Who instructs their lawyers to go ahead and appeal? Does this person even know what's really happening? Has this person met Kai and the rest? Has the insurance business become so completely impersonal? Or is it just this particular insurance company?

NTUC's case about hire/reward was ruled against twice. And for good reason. Kai, Cookie, etc - they're all simple people with simple reasons behind their actions. Kai just wanted to help, Cookie's godpa just wanted to help, etc. It's beyond my comprehension that NTUC cannot see that these are people with big hearts and a sense of fairness. Has it been all mean business for so long that they can't recognize niceness anymore?

Those of you who know about this, please keep us in your prayers. This case is driving me bonkers. It's taught me a big lesson about choice of insurance companies.

The fat sportsperson?

2007-07-20T06:46:00.000+08:00

I went to The Running Lab on Wednesday night to get some jerseys and shorts. For most Zoot designs, they didn't even have a large. I tried a medium, which hugged my chest so tight I could barely take a breath without the zips splitting. Not to mention that I looked like a very wrongly packaged ba zhang.
I tried a Sugoi large, but there's something always wrong about Sugoi jerseys on me - I look chunky. So, nope. The final hope, I thought, would be the Zoot racerback, for which they did have a large. My ribcage approved, but the rest of my frame did not. The neck area was loose, the top of the chest area was flappy. I tried the racerback medium, and the fit was better, but my ribs were mildly unhappy, and my belly would probably play peek-a-boo with everyone else once I start the run. After two hours, I settled for the racerback medium and prayed that somehow, I'll magically lose a kg or half.

Which got me to thinking about a lot of stuff. They've begun making shoes for wide feet. Good, coz mine certainly are wide, for a size 4. Why haven't they started making clothes for the 'wider' girl? You got brassieres in various sizes, which take into account cup size versus frame size. Why haven't they started considering this fact when making all that expensive sportswear? Why do they seem to assume that all sports women are lean, skinny, lithe little things with tiny chests? If a jersey costs $140, it should jolly well fit perfectly, right? What's with this size-ist notion?

Which led me to consider how society views sports people.
When was the last time you read about a plump sports person in a magazine? It seems like the only time overweight people are featured is when they've lost a ton of weight and are therefore considered inspirational to readers.

The point that's coming across: If you're not slim, then you're not good-looking, and you're not an inspiration to others, you won't be able to motivate others. Because who would want to exercise if they still end up looking like you.

The last time I read about an overweight girl was in a US or Aussie mag some time ago. She was not only overweight, she was an overweight aerobics instructor. Some people are amazed that 1) she can do aerobics! 2) she was actually employed to teach aerobics, and 3) people actually signed up for her classes. Point: She enjoyed aerobics, she did it well, and despite the criticisms, she felt that she could make a difference, and she did. She was a source of motivation for other overweight people, showing them that they can enjoy exercise, and they don't have to be embarrassed about their bodies. She was lucky to have an enlightened employer.

I've been overweight ever since puberty set in. I haven't gained much weight since then, and I doubt I'll ever lose much. It's just my body. I was overweight while competing as a gymnast (my poor coach), and I'm prob the only overweight female rider in SG who bothers attempting to race with excess curves.

I know society's views are disturbing because to this day, I'm battling a sense of embarrassment everytime I pull on my cycling gear to go out for a ride. It gets worse when I decide to race, because with so few female riders, I feel like I stand out as the fat one. But then I decide to go ahead, because society's views should not dictate what I do. I think that maybe, some chubby girl out there may decide that it's a good idea to race one day, never mind the curves since someone else has done it, and has shown it's kinda ok, you may be curvy but you may still do alright, if not brilliantly. And you may still have one heck of a whopping good time.

General society says that chubby things are probably not gonna be the adrenaline-endorphin sort. But I'm addicted. And I think loads of chubby girls out there could be too. Now, when's Zoot gonna look into medium sized jerseys, wide?

work-life balance

2007-07-14T07:28:00.000+08:00

today's TODAY: employers are gonna lose their people if they can't cater to their demands outside of work. Claire Chiang, new chairperson of Employer Alliance (hey, I never even knew that existed) said, "why can't employers... get their work contributions while maybe doing a compressed week or schedule flexi-arrangements and make it all happen?"
That's a dream I'm waiting to see happen!
Had dinner with two of the gals from M last night, and we talked about why I left. Apart from feeling (yes, just feeling, no hard evidence, blah) that a certain individual's notions of what teaching means and how we should go about doing it, etc, were intrinsically odd, representing an essentially low-EQ perspective of work and the world, I also felt that it would take a long time before changes happen that truly ensure a better work-life balance for teachers. At least, that is so for teachers who bothered to ensure quality in their instruction, and then who bothered to give students (especially our lot!) what they needed the most: time. Time spent 'just' chatting. Time spent just being there during their CCAs and being encouraging. Time spent showing them that they mean something to their teachers. yada yada.
For these teachers, the day is gone before they know it, and then they go home and continue with marking and prepping. For them, the time was well-spent. But it seems the employers don't seem to recognize this as an important aspect of the work. (Also hard to quantify and qualify, and well, not all teachers bother...) Anyway. I figured I wouldn't be able to get a satisfactory arrangement, not in a long time. I loved teaching Bio, I didn't want to do any more EL, but it was beyond their ability to arrange. I could organize events, I loved coming up with better materials, but I hated admin and writing reports - but my job had me writing weekly reports and doing detailed LPs. So why stay and work for an employer who couldn't see that every employee is very, very different? Why work for someone who didn't know how to best capitalise on your strengths, and release you from the jobs you wouldn't be good at? Why work for someone who insists on over-working you, year after year? Of course, these are my opinions. Of course, to a limited extent, some needs were addressed... but it was simply not enough. Not for me. I wanted to be good at other things too, outside of work. I wanted to give my time to other pursuits. We tell our students that they had to work on being well-rounded people - and we weren't doing the same.

Enough noise-making. I was thinking flexi-arrangements and a compressed week sound like absolutely heavenly ideas. A lot of things we do at work could have been done in less time. If there was motivation. If you told me I could have a three-day weekend - whoa. If I could work from home once or twice a week - whoa whoa whoa. I'm looking forward to those days coming by. =)))))))) please please please please

2007-07-09T10:55:00.000+08:00

Friday night ride attempt:

The mind was willing, but the body was weak. For some reason, I felt really awful. Completely horrible. My body ached, and there was no power in my legs. I was moving at barely 20kph. My right armed had a strange throbbing ache that wouldn't go away. In the end I told the boys to go ahead. I tried to keep up for a bit, but eventually lost them along Old Tampines Road. Hmph. Some gentlemen.

I trundled on to Sengkang, where I finally gave up and made a u-turn back. I don't recall any recent ride being as miserable as this. I was going uphill at 10kph, feeling really sorry for myself. I must've been a pathetic sight. Just as I crested one of the hills, three guys went whizzing by me. I felt perfectly fine to just let them fly by, but eventually, I caught up with them at the base of the hill, before the turn back into old tp road. After the turn into Tampines Ave 10, I got to talking to one of the guys, and eventually decided to follow them to ECP and Changi Coast.

The pace was good, and they took pretty good care of me. Even managed to cough up some energy along Coastal to sprint a short distance. Thanks to those guys: I think they were Vincent (or Victor - In forget now - oops), Lam (?) and Ian. Three of five brothers who ride. I think that's super cool, really =)

I never stop being amazed at the blessings I receive, however seemingly small.

Ravi & the gals

2007-07-06T09:54:00.000+08:00

Dinner with the shady moustached guy who thinks he's a charming roach, and the girls. At French Stall. Me and Fang had the duck with risotto, Mon and Ravi had the pork, Gaya had the chicken. Also had two rounds of the dessert wines - I tried both the red and white, and they were both yummy. Haven't had such a good evening of laughs in a long time. Fang: "I'm glad I came tonight. Good food, good wine." Ravi: "She found herself sitting at the table with good food, good wine, and four other empty seats..."
Soooooooo glad to have met up, gals. And guy. See u in Sept, Ravi!

Transformers

2007-07-05T11:32:00.000+08:00

Droooooooool. I think Megatron looks so cool!! Why is it that the Decepticons look cooler than the Autobots?? Optimus Prime looks as cheesy as ever - never liked those cheesy flame designs. Still, the Autobots are darlings (such a girly term), adorable as ever. The dialogue between Megatron and Prime is also as cheesy as ever (can't think of a better term), which made for a good laugh. Bumblebee is really cute - loved how he transformed into that brilliant, gleaming camaro. Didn't get enough of Megatron screaming at Starscream - that would have been classic. Also really liked the part where the Autobots trampled all over the garden, hilarious. I'm going to hunt for all the old vcds and watch them! I'm regressing! Going backwards from intellectual CSI to brainless Transformers! Well. Who cares.

Protruding bellies and other thoughts

2007-07-03T23:32:00.000+08:00

Into my second week of attempting to train, I realise that I've built some muscle, lost no fats, and my belly's protruding more than ever. WHY?! What the heck's going on?? Tiger's been losing weight and gaining definition, and here I am, looking more pregnant than ever.
While I do notice that my gastrocs and quads are kinda getting more defined, my abs still adamantly refuse to cooperate. Putting on my swimsuit this morning was a pain in the belly. It was tight around the middle. Sheesh.

Forgot to add this point over the weekend: Sharifa (Choir) - if you ever get to read this, thanks for your note =) I really appreciate it. And it's really sweet - I like the bright little studs, heh. Also, thanks for your dedication to Choir all these years =))

Coastal - a hulkless ride tonight. Riders: Ryan, Alan, Frankie, Mr. Tay, Mr. Khoo, Kelvin (??), Bruce, and one other chap whose name I don't know. Dropped another lens. I have new hubs! They are Hope hubs. They make one heck of a lot of noise. Everyone knows when I slack, dammit. Everyone knows when I catch up and coast on an uphill, dammit. And then they fly off just when I think I can draft and slack, dammit. Well. I should appreciate it. It's a prezzie from Tiger. Recommended by Winson. And they're a nice colour. Metallic red.

Dirty Duathlon, Choir, BT-T15

2007-07-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

Saturday - Dirty Duathlon Day

Two slow slow laps of Tampines Trail - honest, followed by slow lap on the gravel trail. HULK, Sonia, Kai and me. Kai flew off from the start of the jog, and HULK, Sonia and I did the jog at a reasonable pace... until HULK decided to 'open up a little' towards the end. I tried pacing him, and woke up on Sunday morning with aching inner thighs as a result.

Saturday afternoon - back at MacPherson to help the Choir babes with their make-up. I REALLY miss the Choir. I miss hearing them sing, hearing them joke, hearing them laugh, hearing myself scold and nag even, ha. I miss ending working days with them. I was listening to them during the rehearsal, and I found myself feeling really envious - young, with their whole lives ahead of them, blah blah. And I felt that they were so lucky to have all these experiences of singing with others, hearing voices blend and soar. Music can transport - for me, it does. Music can bring you into a different dimension, where the pain of the world melts away, even for a little while, where you feel just a little nearer to heaven, where memories, dreams and reality mix, combine, interweave and intertwine. God gave us music, and music brings us back to God - and there is nothing more beautiful than the human voice in song. Better than that - a whole choir of human voices in song.

More photos at www.flickr.com/photos/lifeaddict

Sunday - BT and T15

Good ride, but I was sad to find that Python Trail / Dragon Trail has been closed. That stretch was a darn good ride. I still can't stand T15. Long and messy trail. Yuck.
I was amazed that I could still ride today, after all that toil on Friday and Saturday. I was staring at my legs and thinking, you pair are darned ugly, but you sure work pretty well. Being able to ride a bicycle - still a gift from God. =)

DirTraction - Race 2 @ Bukit Timah

2007-06-27T16:15:00.000+08:00

Really proud of Sonia, all of age 10+, who competed in the Ladies' Open on Sunday's race. What the heck was I doing at the age of 10?!? Watching Transformers on TV and reading Famous Five. Cycling? Yeah. On some crummy put-together ancient junkyard contraption. Still, I do remember enjoying the feeling of flying down Jalan Chengam, adrenaline pumping, gravity pulling, cars honking...

Way to go, girl!!! You're cool.

And good job, DirTraction! =)

Picture by Jones: Sonia, Nur, me.

aching... aching...

2007-06-27T15:36:00.000+08:00

Everything hurts.
Last night's ride was good, although my contact lenses let me down again. Halfway up the first lap of coastal, my right lens fell out. With my awesome quick reflexes, I snatched it off my cheek and plonked the miserable wretch in my mouth before I lost it to dirt, tarmac and relentless rubber tyres.
My vision went haywire - I couldn't gauge distance nor speed accurately, and I had barely enough vision in my left eye to keep a stare on Frankie's PHONAK jersey. One quarter of the way back on the 2nd lap, my left lens began to give way. I had to slow down and drop behind the pack so as not to be a complete hazard to my mates. Sweetly, Hulk slowed down to keep me company. If I felt mean, I'd say he was being lazy. Heh.
Managed to trundle back to resting point, where I washed my errant lens and stuck it back in my eye, mindful of allt he bacteria I must have sent washing over my conjunctiva. Ah well.